Understanding

The more I think about how I act in front of other people, the more I understand something about myself. I am a scared person. I am afraid I won't have friends, girlfriends etc..... I am always afraid to be alone. But I won't be and I have not been. I somehow seek out people that end up maknig me feel terrible, but they are the ones that are wrong, because so many more people want to be around me than not. B is the new DJ at the phase. I should probably hate on her, because she is taking my job, but I completely don't. First of all she's gorgeous, and then she's Jewish and she was in an a capella group, she likes rap music, she graduated in women's studies and afro am studies. We seem to have a lot in common. Anyways, of course I start macking on her, but midway, I realize I need to stop, because it rarely works. Then she says something that resonates with me. I don't know why now, but she says if a relationship is meant to happen, it doesn't have to happen in one night. I think I focus way to much on the end product then on the process of forming relationships. The phase does not foster a relationship forming process. I am happy to be taking a break for a few weeks. I need the distance.